i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
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