So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Randomize
