have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
