she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
