Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
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