I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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