I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
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