In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
