Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
