About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
