upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
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