Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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