I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
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