Grow some girl-balls and come out already
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
