Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
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