I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
