someone threw a dead crab at me
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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