I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
