My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
