Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
