thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Randomize
