Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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