sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
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