I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
