Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Randomize
