I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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