I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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