The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
