i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
