Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
