I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
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