if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
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