Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
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