Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
