I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Let's get the cat blown out
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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