Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
