Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Randomize
