He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
i would one night stand the shit outta him
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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