Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Randomize
