I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
