Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize