Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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