Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
