This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
