DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
