Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
