a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
