dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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