it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Randomize
