Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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