You can't special order awesome
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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