I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
