i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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