Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
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