yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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