dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
