She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
