Girls should come with a carfax report
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize