you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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