then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize