There was a lot of him and a little penis
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Randomize
