went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
She needs sedatives and a leash
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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