just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
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