I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
