I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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