shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
i dont even know how to be here
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
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