A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
