I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
