420 ftw
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
