the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize