I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
