I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
