He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
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