i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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