we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
tell me about the eggs
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
