the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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