someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
