her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
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