ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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