U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
