Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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