Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize
