I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Randomize
