I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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